Starbucks Speak

So it is no secret, my love for coffee. My brain doesn’t start functioning until the first drop of that sweet nectar hits my stomach and is absorbed into my blood stream.

I love the taste of it. I love the smell of it. I love how a cup of coffee fits in my hand, the warmth it gives me. I love its kick and get up and go. I just love. I have written about my love before and how I was reduced to a little pile of weepy mush when Jake spilled an entire pot.

I just love coffee. Ok, so maybe my it is more than love. Maybe, I am totally and utterly addicted but you know what, I don’t care. Everyone has to have at least one crutch and coffee is one of mine.

Normally, I am happy with just a cup a black coffee. Sometimes, I like it with a little Splenda because Splenda makes coffee taste even better. I don’t know how its possible but it does. But every now and again, I like to go for a froo froo coffee especially during this time of year when Starbucks has its holiday specials like Pumpkin Spice Latte or the Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha.

Mmmmm…. mocha.

But since I only go into Starbucks upon occasion, I usually get all confused with how to order my drink. I don’t know the lingo. What I want is a medium sized, Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha, with skim milk, not too hot, no whipped cream and only a little bit of peppermint.

And that is just how I order. But what is repeated back to me sometimes sounds like a foreign language.

Starbucks Girl: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Me: “I would like a medium sized, Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha, with skim milk, not too hot, no whipped cream and only a little bit of peppermint, please.

SG: “So you want a Grande Peppermint White Chocolate non fat, no whip, no foam, half shot, luke-warm mocha?”

Me: “Um, yeah that.”

I am never sure what I am really going to end up with in my cup but so far, it has always been what I wanted. Maybe some Starbucks speak lessons would be helpful?

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0 thoughts on “Starbucks Speak”

  1. Stumbled upon this post after reading about your child’s faux sick day and another’s late night pajama fashion show. As a former Barista, I may be able to help your ordering conundrum.

    First start with the size- Short (like a kid’s size, about 6 oz), Tall, Grande or Venti
    Next tell how many/what kind of shots you want- A short and a tall have 1, a Grande and Venti have 2. This is kinda silly because a venti is 20 oz while a grande is 16, which basically means that with a venti you’re paying for more milk, not espresso, so you’re better off adding a shot (making it a triple).
    Ex: I’d like a Grande mocha (2 shots of regular caff espresso) or I’d like a triple grande mocha (3 shots of espresso) or a Grande half caff- (one shot of regular, one shot of decaf) or of course, a grande decaf (two shots of decaf espresso)

    Then move on to the milk- Non-fat, soy, organic etc… Most Starbucks drinks are made with either whole or 2% milk, if you want that, then skip and move on…

    Starbucks drinks are made at 160 degrees, if you want it tepid ask for 150 or 140 (the temp of a kids hot chocolate) or if you’re like me and like it the temperature of the sun, ask for 190 degrees

    Finally if your drinks are too sweet just ask them to halve the pumps of pumpkin, mocha, vanilla or peppermint syrup. I could get into how many pumps of syrup each get but it’s too confusing.

    Or if you order the same thing everytime, your order in Starbucks speak is:
    Grande, non-fat, no whip, 2 pump peppermint white chocolate mocha at 150 degrees.

    Hope this helps!

  2. I always feel like a combination of snob/idiot when I order the way I’m ‘supposed’ to. A large portion of Canada’s population leans towards plain coffee from Tim Hortons, and Starbucks is more of a summer treat for me…so my order is: ‘venti javachip frappuccino, skinny, no whip’.

    Funny part? My son’s name is Java (he’s 6). He thinks it’s GREAT that I order something he thinks is named after him. My daughter (she’s 4) on the other hand, once asked the drive thru lady if they had any ‘Chloe coffees’. Poor thing.

    Shoul’ve named her double-double, I guess. šŸ˜‰

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